It starts sometime around midnight.

As much as I tell myself and other that I don't love you anymore.... I still do! And I don't want to anymore. Let me go... please! I don't want to hurt anymore! -sigh- I wish I could just shut my eyes and forget EVERYTHING. I want what he gives me, I want his love now. I want to give my new best friend more than anything in this world.

JOG!

YES! I love this whole exercise thing people are doing now a days. I never thought it could feel so good!

Well, damn.

You know I didn't have that someone when I was with him. 

--

I did have someone like that waiting for me and I let him go.

I'm not sure how I should be feeling right now.

It was really the biggest mistake of my life

choosing the bad boy over the nice guy, and now

I've lost the bad boy and the nice guy.

Bad boy leaves me for something better.

Nice guy found nice girl that probably loves him.

--

It's okay though. 

Because I want him to be as happy as possible.

He gave me the second chance to be his friend again and I love him. 

So, I'm not sad anymore but I do wish I could go back in time and

change it all. 

Life can be hard at times, but I'll get through it just fine.

But what I have learned from all this...

Don't trust just anyone who says 'I love you'

when they act like they don't want to have anything to do with you.

You do what you have to do to be happy,

even if it leaves me out of the picture.

You deserve the world <3

and to the ASSHOLE:

Thanks for wasting my time, love ya.

A song for you.

"I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your 

skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time."

To Michael.

!!

I got a date! 

I'm not going to just

sit around waiting for Cameron to change his mind and

come back to me. 

Lord knows, that will never happen anyway.

--

It's time to just let go!

HAVE FUN!

Keep on keeping on!

;) 

Life is good.

I cannot bare it

I wish it were easy to just voice the truth.

iSTAND with survivors of Sexual Assault.

Hmm,.

Watch THIS!

I'm feeling a little better today. 

FINALLY ATE SOMETHING SOLID haha

I'm going to be just fine without him.

I'm still hurting. I'm still in love, but

That will soon fade away.

And I can't wait for that day to come!

I love my life.

I love my family

and I love my friends!

Save me.

I can't sleep. I haven't ate.

My heart is in excruciating pain.

My breath is short and my body shakes.

my head is going insane.

I feel like I just lost the most best friend I've ever had.

He was my world, my life. 

Why does it have to be so hard to let someone go.

Why is it so easy for him to let me go?

I guess, he just didn't love me as much as he said he did.

" I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. "
Share this quote 

-Iris

"How do girls bleed for a week and not die?"

Kill 'em all.

 Or to anyone else.

I Hate/Love You

                 




   You DO NOT deserve my love or kindness or my respect. You treat me like SHIT! and to be honest, I am fed up with it.
    
     The way you said "I'm with my friends, I don't want to be on the phone." It had a derogatory tone to it and it was very much UN-appreciated. I love you but enough is enough. I didn't come into this relationship to be belittled or abused.
I am better than that and deserve the best!


   If you can't see that what you have right in front of you, is good... then you don't deserve it at all. You are the worst boyfriend I've ever had, the most cruelest and the most insensitive guy I have ever came encounter with. You are not a man! A pathetic excuse of! You don't know how to treat people right and for that, you will be alone. You are no where near to being ready for a commitment. You enjoy your freedom way too much to know any better. 


   I'm merely a bed partner in your eyes. You think you fucking love me but you don't even know the meaning of the word! I gave you my everything! but I'm taking my everything back and giving it to someone that wants it. 


   I gave you sooo much space while you were away! I let you be!! but you took advantage of that the last week... You ignored me. Told me I was being clingy, that I drove you insane! I BLEW UP YOUR PHONE TWO TIMES OUT OF THAT 3 WEEKS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THERE BECAUSE I MISSED YOU! BECAUSE I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU! BECAUSE YOU WERE BEING SHADY AS FUCK!! BECAUSE HEARING YOUR VOICE HELPS ME FEEL NOT SO ALONE! Because you are the love of my life! Because I think of you as my best friend. A best friend that wasn't even there for me when I needed him the most. You have no clue what happened to me that day.... but it doesn't matter now, does it? I cannot confide in you anymore! 


   I wish I could just blurt out what troubles my mind... but it's not easy... I am so heartbroken... you have hurt me so much. I've put up with your crap for so long and I don't know if I can take it anymore... you might think this is just an overreaction, but it's not. You can't take it when I point out the things you do. You think you're innocent, and you only apologize to make tension go away, but how can I be sure you actually mean it? 


   Sooner or later, I will turn into a transparent figure in your obscure mind. You will forget me. You will never feel remorse for the things that you have done long enough for it to actually stick in your mind for you to change the things you do. 


   "I'm not gonna dedicate my entire life to you. I'm not going to give you all the time in the world. It's not me, and I'm not gonna change for anyone."
So why do I have to change the way I am just to make you happy?
You tell me you don't want me to change for you, but you point out my flaws more than anyone I know. As if I don't already know what they are... Subconsciously asking for me to work on them. 


   "If a girl understands your bullshit, sticks through all your mistakes, smiles even though you have done nothing for her, it's obvious she's a keeper-- It's also obvious you don't deserve her." 


   Clingy, you call me?! You don't even know what clingy is! I could show you clingy but I don't. You have all the space you want! You're just making excuses. You want to treat me like shit when all I have done was love you... and make you my all... my world! Fuck you! These words cannot really express how I feel... I don't know what I can say or do to show you how much HURT you have laid on my heart... and I don't think I will ever find a way to express it. I can say so much more, but I'm afraid I might cause a power surge! 


   I am so in love with you but ... I don't know how much more my heart and mind could possibly take... I'm going insane... 


   "Amiga, , tengo el corazón herido. El hombre que yo quiero se me va. Lo estoy perdiendo... Estoy sufriendo. Llorando do impotencia... no puedo retenerlo... yo no se que esta pasando... sera que habra encontrado otra mujer. Yo no es el mismo. su indiferencia... La siento por las noches! Rechaza mi presencia... y tu consejo no me aleja del dolor! Son cosas del amor." Basically just sums up the way that I feel... and how I will continue to feel if I keep up with this unhealthy, sad relationship...

                            "What should I do...? Just pretend... that everything's okay."