It starts sometime around midnight.

As much as I tell myself and other that I don't love you anymore.... I still do! And I don't want to anymore. Let me go... please! I don't want to hurt anymore! -sigh- I wish I could just shut my eyes and forget EVERYTHING. I want what he gives me, I want his love now. I want to give my new best friend more than anything in this world.

JOG!

YES! I love this whole exercise thing people are doing now a days. I never thought it could feel so good!

Well, damn.

You know I didn't have that someone when I was with him. 

--

I did have someone like that waiting for me and I let him go.

I'm not sure how I should be feeling right now.

It was really the biggest mistake of my life

choosing the bad boy over the nice guy, and now

I've lost the bad boy and the nice guy.

Bad boy leaves me for something better.

Nice guy found nice girl that probably loves him.

--

It's okay though. 

Because I want him to be as happy as possible.

He gave me the second chance to be his friend again and I love him. 

So, I'm not sad anymore but I do wish I could go back in time and

change it all. 

Life can be hard at times, but I'll get through it just fine.

But what I have learned from all this...

Don't trust just anyone who says 'I love you'

when they act like they don't want to have anything to do with you.

You do what you have to do to be happy,

even if it leaves me out of the picture.

You deserve the world <3

and to the ASSHOLE:

Thanks for wasting my time, love ya.

A song for you.

"I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your 

skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time."

To Michael.

!!